You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
