Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
