If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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