my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize