dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
