So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
