I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
