can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
