i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
