found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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