Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
