Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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