You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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