If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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