I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
