he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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