So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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