Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
