just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
