the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They have beer where we have blood.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
