You're a womanizer and a bitch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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