The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hippo gnu deer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
