Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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