"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
