I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
