What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
