Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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