Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
