Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize