The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
