I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
