we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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