I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
