My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
