what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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