I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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