And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
