Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
