Girls should come with a carfax report
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
