please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
