I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
