I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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