It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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