for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
