I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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