I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
