the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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