Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I cannot find my penis.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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