Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everclear isn't food dammit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
