i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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