So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
