JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize