I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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