ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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