2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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