so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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