She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this just has baby written all over it
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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