Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
