Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't turn off my feet"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
as a side note pls kill me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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