I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
