I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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