I accidentally had phone sex last night
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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