Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
