I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
