In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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