Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
